JOHN KOSMER

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JUST A THOUGHT

There is a time for looking forward and a time for looking back.
For me, it is not a time in my life as much it is an oscillation of alternately looking forward and back, almost as a mechanism for keeping grounded.
When I look back it is usually rooted in people not places.
It seems a mystery why people lose touch with each other, a mystery that often is not comfortable or easy for some people to explore. “Let sleeping dogs lie” is a cliché that comes to mind. Indeed, there are times to simply let go. People change. Those are the tough calls in life.
The tough calls, however, should not stop anyone from pursuing reconnecting with others. Old friends are not solely friends, they are irreplaceable because they act as markers in your life, sort of
living bookmarks in the history of you through time.
Then why does it happen? Sometimes the middle of life, raising kids, and a carrier provides a focus that precludes other things.
People also stop calling each other because the think they have nothing to say – nothing new to tell. When we are young every year (sometimes every day) brings something new to tell others. After high school or college, usually your circle of friends drops like a stone. Imagine seeing a hundred new faces a semester as a college student and then, after graduation, that number dropping off to those you see at work, in your neighborhood and your friends. It is kind of a culture shock. Suddenly, you are pretty much alone compared to your school days and don’t have much new to tell people. You’re you in your job and maybe relationship. End of story.
Old friends and relatives don’t care if you have anything new to say. Many are happy to just hear the sound of your voice and feel happy that you thought enough of them to call. They may feel just as awkward about calling you as you do about calling them. Someone has to go first. It might as well be you. You may be pleasantly surprised at the social pathways it opens up to you.
What is stopping you – that they will not welcome the call? They will speak to you and not continue contact after that. Who cares? You would not have had contact with them anymore anyway if you hadn’t called them. Don’t let a possible cool reception inhibit you. It is not a rejection. Some people simply want to move on and not reconnect, and that’s OK. But you will never know which ones would enjoy reconnecting with you and which ones you would enjoy reconnecting with unless you make the call.
When I was younger I was often incredulous when, on one of those talk shows, hearing of people not speaking to each other for 30 years. Now I am one of them. It happens. I invited a couple that were my friends in college up here after not seeing them for some 30 odd years. I had spoken to them once or twice over that time. They came up. We now speak to each other regularly and have since visited them in Florida.
Wait. I can top that. My mother had two sisters, Anna and Antoinette. I used to play with my cousin Jackie (Aunt Anna’s child) as a kid over 45 years ago. Aunt Antoinette had two daughters, Mary and Joanne. I saw them as a child also over 45 years ago. I have not been in touch with any of them since.
A few weeks ago, as the story was recounted to me, Jackie in Monticello called Mary in Long Island and re-introduced himself. They now speak regularly.
Mary told her sister Joanne in Florida about Jackie. Joanne decided to Google me, found me, called me, re-introduced herself and told me that story. She gave me Jackie and Mary’s phone numbers.
I called both of them. Sometime over the summer, if all goes well, I will drive down to Monticello when Mary can have her son drive her up and we will meet after all those years. Imagine that.

John Kosmer ranges the Otesgo Lake region from his perch – the county’s “greenest house,” in Fly Creek.

Labels: Glimmerglass, John Kosmer, Just a Thought